Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Guy who thinks it's yesterday makes election predictions

by Dick Parker


Happy Tuesday everyone! Today's an important day in Wisconsin politics, so be sure you exercise your right to vote and head to the polls on this beautiful April 7. Personally, I was going to vote early at city hall, but I just love the feeling of voting at my local precinct, which I will do later today.


As you all know, I spend hours each day examining local politics. That being said, here are my predicitions for today's elections:


STATE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE


Koschnick over Abrahamson


The time has come for Shirley Abrahamson to go. Randy Koschnick is leading in the polls (I think) and this will be a suprise victory for highly-educated beareded men everywhere.


WINNEBAGO COUNTY EXECUTIVE


Jay Schroeder over Mark Harris


Despite his yard signs' clashing green and blue colors, Schroeder's "Win for Winnebago" slogan will dominate, much like Gerald Ford's "Whip Inflation Now" theme. Voters will ultimately decide that it's not important to have a county executive who speaks in complete sentences.


OSHKOSH MAYOR


Frank Tower over Paul Esslinger


Count on Tower to dominate this race, despite his campaign promise of a roundabout in everyone's driveway. In other words, Tower will rise above the competition.


OSHKOSH COMMON COUNCIL


Dick O'Day
John Hinz
Tony Palmeri


This one's a no-brainer. Dick O'Day has an obvious advantage due to voters' leftover high from St. Patrick's Day. John Hinz will breeze through due to the fact that people think he's Gordon Hintz's brother, and Tony Palmeri will sqeak by in third place, narrowly defeating outlier Steve Cummings. Jessica King will be last.


OSHKOSH AREA SCHOOL BOARD


Dennis Kavanaugh
Wayne Traska
John Daggett


The first two are obvious, but the surprise will be John Daggett's long-awaited election into public office. Daggett's election will usher in a new era to the OASB, one with late Wednesday nights due to excessive rambling.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damnit, I was looking forward to Jay Schroeder destroying the county!

Jay Schroeder said...

God, don't be a n00b!
I can still destroy the county, just covertly.

R.S. said...

This is pretty cool that you can keep this biting satire up as well as you do. It's nice to have a little comic relief right now. A much appreciated thanks!

Jay Schroeder said...

I was not being satirical. Winnebago County is now Schroeder County. Hide your women, I'm fully loaded and ready to blow. Anything I see walking the streets after 8 p.m. tonight is mine.

R.S. said...

OK, that's a little heavy, man. There's a fine line between clever satire and just plain unpleasantness, and you just crossed it.

Little Heavy Man said...

The owner of this site is not unpleasant, I am.
The way this blog is set up anyone can fill in any name and spew their venomous filth in a tasteless manner. I enjoy spewing venomous filth, that is why I am locked up in an institution. mwah haha.
I could argue that the line you reger too is not fine, not at all, but rather wavy and vague, and that the line is quite differnt for each of us. The plethora of comedians with widely varying styles would certainly attest to that. Is Borat too much? Richard Pryor? Lewis Black, is he tasteless? How about if the comedy is pointed at Republicans, and you hate George Bush, so maybe a tap-tap-tap with the foot under the bathroom stall is hysterical to you, but perhaps a Bill Clinton - Monica Lewinsky joke is "tatseless" to you. Or if a comedian nails 'em at the Press Club dinner, hahaha - unless you are George W. sitting there turning red.

So I could go on and prove that you are not the arbiter of what is "too far" and that your own taste likely varies widely depending on if you are laughing at a fat chick, and you are guy,so haha women and fish jokes and BJ jokes and whatever. But maybe you'd not laugh at a bald joke, because you are a bald guy. Or a bad lover joke...just because. But any arguelent to that effect wouldn't change your mind, because most people are pretty sure their own viewpoint is the absolute correct one for all humanity.
However as the REAL evil-doer I would like to say the owner of this site did not make the SO HORRIBLE joke.

Now go watch 40 Year Old Virgin or Sideways and laugh your ass off.

and furthermore said...

It's interesting that you want to be amused, you come here to be amused, by the efforts of another. And you wish him to continue. But then, tut tut! it must be done in a certain way, and you wish to be pleased, again and again, and never "ruffled". Now THAT is what I find amusing. So at least we finally have some reciprocity.

R.S. said...

Let me clarify...the writer of this blog is awesome. Whoever is posting under the name "Jay Schroeder" is lame. It's okay to be funny, but make sure you're actually successful and not just disgusting.

Anonymous said...

Geez man, you should NEVER go to Vegas with the crappy prediction skills you have.

Anonymous said...

Here's an interesting couple of tidbits about short term school board member Michelle Monte. Remember how she used to bitch on her blog about Amy Weinsheim and her attire, her tattoos, etc.? Well there are pictures of "Prim, Proper, and Modest Michelle" now on the net showing her sticking her tongue in a woman's ear at a party (gross, even for this skank), and another picture of her grabbing a woman's breasts at that same party. Wow, that is classy. She also mentions several times in some of her postings about her own 2 tattoos. If this isn't the pot calling the kettle black. And now she calls herself a college professor!! What a fricking joke this woman is. Hypocritical too. So glad she had the good sense to resign from the board. She was in way over her head (and not because she's only 5'3"...lol).

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